Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
