She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
