Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Randomize
