I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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