i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize