Where is the hickey?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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