This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
