1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Randomize
