so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
