I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
