So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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