i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
