pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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