Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
