hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
