I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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