he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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