and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
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