I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize