OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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