I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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