How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
