the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
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