Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
