I met the friendliest cop last night
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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