I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
