there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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