I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
