One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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