dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
