I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize