If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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