i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
