i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
