oh fat girl friday strikes again...
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize