My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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