how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
ttyl tear gas
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
