So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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