I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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