Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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