Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
