Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
