Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
