Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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