you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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