I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
pray to the hookup gods
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
