One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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