They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Randomize
