just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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