Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Randomize
