TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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