happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
