Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
