Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
