Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Randomize
