Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
