i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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