At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
