I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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