As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
