she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
