I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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