Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
