Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
