Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
