We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
