you turned your livingroom into a bong?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
