I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Did I show you my penis last night?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
