do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
