In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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