I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
