Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
