And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
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