It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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