what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Randomize
