Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
