Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
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