I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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